


Seeking his past

by Lire_Casander



Category: Hanson
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-20
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:52:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Christmas Eve, ten years ago, Zac Hanson left his home with the firm intention of never coming back. Married, and a father of two, he still hurts because of what he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets from the past

The snow fell in swirls of white clusters to the ground that had been green only two months ago. Close to the window, the dark figure sat, observing the snow fall. He trembled. Despite the heat in the house functioning properly, he started getting cold.

"Zac, honey, come here," said a smooth female voice coming from the living room.

He sighed and began to move without peeling his eyes off the window. The white of the snow had a curious magnetic power. Finally, he turned completely and headed to the room where the woman behind the voice waited for him.

It had been many years since Hanson obtained their first success with _Mmmbop_ , and the events had happened with such rapidity that everything had become blurry in his memory. All these years later, he still dreamt of living that dream again, wishing nothing that happened was real. He shook his head and entered the room.

The Christmas tree shone under the weight of thousand decorations and the light of the great chain of lights he had helped to place. Under the fake, eternally green branches, there was an empty space in which rested two pairs of childlike shoes. Knelt in front of the tree, measuring from side to side with a measure tape, was Amy. Her black eyes observed him a second before being stuck again on the tape. Her reddish hairs were collected in a braid that swung around when she turned her head like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

"Can you help me?" She asked. "I can't seem to be able to place Robbie's bike in the space we have here."

"Come on, give me that thing," Zac snatched it joking, and pretended to measure her instead of the hole that he should measure. "You are right, Robbie's bike doesn't fit in here."

"Zac!" She scolded him laughing.

Zac took her by the waist and raised her in the air. Amy tried to protest, but in vain because he was stronger and taller. He carried her around, dancing in circles around the room, laughing loudly, when a little childlike voice interrupted them.

"Daddy... can I help you tickle Mom?"

"Of course, Robbie!"

The boy that remained by the doorway was blonde as Zac when he was his age, but his eyes disturbed him. He was his son, but those blue eyes were inheritance of the Hanson branch of the family, and caused him an unimaginable stupor. So many years fleeing his past, and it trapped him again in the form of his five-year son.

Robbie Hanson approached his parents and extended his chubby fingers towards the white waist of his mother. Amy pretended they did not tickle her, but finally gave in laughing loudly when Zac left her on the ground and attacked her neck with skillful fingers.

"Hold on a bit!" She exclaimed among giggles. "We're going to awake Angie!"

"Shhh," hushed Zac. "Then you shouldn’t laugh so loud..."

"Zachary Walker Hanson!" Amy didn't say it deliberately, but it had an instant effect. Zac backed away from his wife, eyes watering, like he had been slapped in the face. Nobody had called him this name for ten years, and he hadn't allowed anyone to but Amy – but he wasn't prepared for that.

Robbie realized that something strange had happened and he backed away from his parents to look at both of them. In his five years of life, each time someone called his father by his complete name, he recoiled like an injured animal and stopped speaking for a long time. To Robbie, it seemed that his father was not at all happy. And he didn't understand why.

Amy approached Zac, trying to caress his arm, but his husband jumped at her touch, pain in his face. Amy felt her eyes begin to fill with tears.

"Robbie," she ordered, controlling her voice with great difficulty. "Can you go see how your little sister is doing?"

"Mom---"

"Go, Robbie."

The boy left the room without any more protest, leaving his parents by themselves in the room. Zac had moved away from Amy so much that he was now almost to the window. The snow that fell outside the window behind him only made his sad appearance even more apparent.

"I'm sorry, Zac, I'm so sorry--- I know I promised you---"

"Don't call me that again," he said irritated. "Do _not_ use again that name against me, Amy."

"I'm telling you that I'm sorry!" Amy trembled. "I'm sorry, Zac!"

"No, you're not sorry _at all_!" He shouted, furious. "You're never sorry, Amy, and we always fight for the same stupid thing. That's not my name, I left it all behind!"

"But it's your past! It belongs to you, and you belong to it. You can't just forget it!"

"It is not my past!" He yelled.

"Yes, it _is_!" Amy was yelling even louder. "It's _your_ past, and I don't have to apologize for something that's not my fault! I didn't disappear from my house ten years ago without leaving a single trace!"

Zac looked at his wife and suddenly realized that every Christmas Eve they had the same fight, that somehow it slipped in their conversation. He knew she was right, and he wanted to be forgiven for, at least, the tone of his tone.

"I'm really sorry, Amy, I truly am. We always argue about the same thing. I know it's all my fault, but---"

"Why don't you call? It's been a long time---"

"They won't forgive me, Amy, they will never..."

"How do you know? Zac, your family has been seeking you for ten years and you know it. I don't understand your eagerness in not being found..."

"Amy, my family is not going to find me, okay? I don't want to be found, not after what I did..."

"And you come back on the same stupid excuse. It's been a decade, Zac, and it doesn't seem so serious to me. You were only a child."

Zac sighed and collapsed on the couch. His wife dropped to his side and this time she caressed his arm smoothly.

"Why don't you call them?" She insisted. "It's Christmas, Zac. Your kids have the right to meet their grandparents, their uncles and their cousins – to know _who_ they are and _where_ they belong."

He didn't answer. He placed his head on Amy's lap and buried his face on her warm belly.

Amy Hanson caressed his hair while she felt the cold wetness of the secret tears her husband spilled on her.


	2. Secrets from the past

The snow was falling in swirls of white on the streets of New York City while the blond figure that watched it was getting lost in his own memories. In the distance, an ambulance interrupted the Christmas atmosphere making him to return to the reality.

It was ten o’clock in the morning on the day of Christmas Eve, and Taylor Hanson was melancholy. He looked at his own reflection in the glass of the window, but he only saw a sad man, as each Christmas Eve since that day, ten years ago. The remainder of the year, he pretended to be happy, but each time someone mentioned his little brother, it turned him upside down. He was conscious of the pain that he inflicted upon himself for even thinking of it, but he couldn’t stop doing it, and it was Christmas.

He remembered waking up very early on Christmas Day, seeing Zac sleeping in the bed next to his own. He remembered being awoken by him with a whisper and a smile. _Santa came already, Tay!_ He remembered opening the gifts and discovering a miniature replica of his piano. Zac loved working with wood in his spare time. Taylor wondered to himself if Zac still made models.

"Daddy," said a sweet girlish voice. "Mom says you should help her because this afternoon Grandma and Grandpa will come and she hasn’t still done a thing."

"I’m going, Penny."

His six-year daughter stood at the door. Blonde like him, she had Zac’s black eyes. Ezra resembled more of the Bryants, his wife's family, but Penny was a Hanson, and as such she reminded him of his brother.

Taylor headed towards the kitchen where Natalie was waiting for him, an apron in hand.

"I am regretting my offer to cook the Christmas Eve supper. Gathering my family and yours together is an awful lot of work," she said.

"Don’t worry, honey," he smiled, kissing her. "I'm here to help!"

She let him stand by her side and he took a spatula to remove the content of a pan. They were preparing the food, because the Bryants and the Hansons were going to spend Christmas there the next two days.

"Is your brother going to arrive a little before, as he had planned?" Natalie asked. "Isaac, I mean."

"I know you meant Isaac. And yes, I suppose. He called me yesterday to tell me he would arrive at eleven with Ned."

"I’m glad he has decided to celebrate Christmas again. The children don’t like it when Ike is not here."

"Ezra and Penny haven’t known a Christmas time with Ike," Taylor pointed. "He has spent the last ten years away from Christmas."

"As well as the rest of your family, hon. You have spent the last ten years expecting the only gift that nobody who loves you can give to you."

Taylor remained silent for an instant, thoughtful. It was true, the only thing that his family really needed was Zac, but he couldn't even call him. His little brother had vanished off the face of the Earth.

When the doorbell rang, he returned to the reality suddenly. Nat waved at him to go open the door.

Isaac Hanson stood while a little boy ran in circles around him.

"Hi, Tay!" He greeted, pretending to be happy. "Can we come in?"

"'Course! Ned, do you want to go play with your cousins?"

The boy didn’t answer but left towards the living room where Ezra and Penny already were.

"He has grown up very fast," Taylor said.

"Yes, and each day he reminds me more of Zac."

"It’s difficult to live like that, Ike. Penny looks a lot like Zac, too. The same eyes and the same temper."

"Do you believe that if he has children, they will remind him of us?"

"I hope so. Because I'm afraid that if he doesn't have a thing to remember us, he will forget us completely."

"I miss him a lot... And I know everyone who knew him misses him too. Why did he go away, Taylor? If he had a problem he should have told us! We would have helped him."

Taylor looked lost and sad again. He would never tell his brother the reason why Zac had gone away. At least the reason he thought was the answer to that question. He still dreamt of it at night, knowing that if hadn’t he seen anything that Christmas Eve, Zac would still be there with them. But he wasn't planning to say a thing – he swore it.

"I don’t know why," he lied. "But I'm sure he will come back. Today, he will come back."

"Why are you so convinced? It's been ten years since we last heard from him, we don’t even know if he's still--- alive--- We haven’t searched enough!"

"Ike, it’s Christmas," Taylor continued, trying to believe his own lie. "I just want him to call, at least."

"He has never called before – I don’t believe he’s going to start now."

The two brothers remained in the living room doorway, watching how their children play together. Ned was less than one month younger than Ezra, and if it wasn’t for his Isaac-shaped face, Taylor would have thought Ned wasn’t his brother's son. Of course he had his reasons to believe that, and he perfectly understood why Zac didn’t want to come. If Taylor were him, he wouldn’t want to return either.

"Isaac! Don’t let your brother keep you!" Natalie left the kitchen with a smile. "Give me a bear hug!"

"Hello, little girl."

"Don't 'little girl' me, Isaac," Natalie pinched him jokingly. "You're all skin and bone! Come on, I’m going to feed you. I know what happens when there's no woman at home."

Immediately Isaac’s face changed and a hard expression covered it.

"No, wait, I didn’t mean to say that!"

"But you said it anyway," Ike said dryly.

"I’m so sorry..."

"I came here to hear this? So you could tell me again that she's not with me? I've already enough memories every day!" He exclaimed waving at his son.

"Isaac, calm down," said Taylor. "C'mon, I'll give you something for those nerves."

"Whisky."

"It’s eleven o’---"

"I want some whisky."

"Okay."

Taylor went to the kitchen for a glass and the bottle of whisky. His older brother worried him - Isaac had never drunk so much alcohol at those inappropriate hours, not until that horrible day ten years ago. _He is not an alcoholi_ c, Taylor repeated to himself. But he knew that the reality could be very different.

Isaac’s wife, Kate, had died in a car accident the Christmas that followed Zac’s disappearance. Pregnant with Ned, she drove alone, heading to Canada. Nobody knew what she was going to do there, nor did they know why she was going to the border. Her car collided against a tree, the cause unknown even ten years later, and she suffered irreversible injuries. The baby, nevertheless, had an opportunity. The doctors managed to save his life, and he passed his first three months of life in an incubator. Since that Christmas Eve, Isaac had been able to raise a healthy boy and to keep drinking secretly.

"Here," Taylor said, giving him the glass.

"Thanks," responded Isaac harshly.

"Bro---"

"Don’t ‘bro’ me"

"Okay, Isaac," Taylor inhaled. "Please keep the faith, keep the hope."

"Why? Kate passed away and Zac's gone for ever. We are a broken family – and I wonder if we aren’t perhaps to blame..."

"Of course _you_ aren’t," sighed Taylor. "So pay attention. Keep the faith."

He extended his hand again towards his brother, who still held the glass. Slowly, Isaac gave it back to Taylor, lowering his head. Taylor came back to the kitchen and threw the whisky into the sink. He held onto the sink with both hands and began to cry, shaken by violent spasms. When Ike entered and saw him, he also suffered his own nervous breakdown. He embraced his brother and they cried together for a while.

Natalie closed the kitchen’s door stealthily. She knew that Christmas Eve was not the best day of the year for the Hanson family. Two losses in two consecutive years. Although Zac’s could not be countered as a loss. If Taylor discovered that Natalie knew exactly where his brother was and why he had left, he would be very mad at her. Of course, she had promised Amy to keep the secret until the perfect moment arrived. _Well_ , she told herself, _that moment has arrived._

In the kitchen, Taylor cried, memories filling his mind. A closed door, some laughter – a bed and two figures on it – making – making...

He would never forgive himself. Ever.


	3. Trespassing the border

Niagara was covered in snow when Amy her decision at last. She wasn't going to keep on pretending that nothing happened when something was killing her husband. She went to the garden without her coat to think.

Niagara was a small village almost to the border that separates Canada and the United States, famous for its waterfalls. In summer, it brought a lot of tourists, but at Christmas, with its main attraction frozen, they were relatively calm. Amy loved her hometown, and she felt her heart swelling with joy and pride when she thought that their children had also been born there, but she felt that Zac was continuing to flee beyond that spot in the middle of nowhere.

She remembered perfectly how they had met. Seven years ago, she was at Lou’s gas station in the outskirts of the town, when a small blue car stopped to refill. A young boy – near twenty years old, just like herself – got out of it, quite good-looking and with a profile she could recognize. Amy, seeing that all the employees were busy, went to help him. They began to talk and...

Of course she knew him. He was Zac Hanson, the drummer of that trio she had liked in her teens. About three years before, some problems with their label had caused them to stop their work, and rumors said the drummer had fled. One thing carried to another, and they finished having dinner together. A year later they married, ten months later Robbie was born, and four years later little Angie. Amy didn't regret any of her decisions, except for one.

When her relationship with Zac passed from one level to another, he confessed her why he had fled his house one Christmas Eve – his reasons. And he swore he would never come back, that he didn’t want to bring his family with him in his downfall. At first, she had accepted it, but little by little her husband began to withdraw into himself and she began to worry. She started to seek information about the Hanson family, and she discovered that Taylor and Natalie had married and they lived in New York City, like Isaac. She bought the newspapers to see if they said something on them. It was then that she came upon the obituary.

_Kathryn Hanson, beloved daughter, wife and mother. Wherever you are, we trust you're watching over your son Ned and your husband Isaac. Rest in peace._

Too weird to be a coincidence, she called the newspaper and managed to discover when that obituary was first published. She got copies and dove in them until she hit upon the news.

 _Famous musician's wife passes away in accident_ , _Tragedy becomes cruel to the Hanson family_.

So she was dead. Dead. Then she was no longer a problem.

Then came this unexpected visit. Matt Bryant had appeared the morning of a Tuesday in her house, while Zac was at the workshop and the children were sleeping. With him, all her doubts were dissipated as well as her indecisions. Zac’s family was still looking for him. After Matt’s visit, came the calls to New York City and the phone conversations, the plans and the plotting. She felt as if she was deceiving her husband, but in some way she was sure that she would be getting him back.

Amy would do anything to put a smile back on Zac’s face, but she knew that only his family would achieve it. She let her garden and re-entered the house, and went to her bedroom. Swiftly, she filled a bag with some clothes and then she did the same in Robbie’s room. She descended again and put the two bags in the Toyota trunk, along with Angie’s bag. She searched among her belongings until she came upon a blue handkerchief, Zac’s favorite color. She smiled. She was going to do the right thing for the first time in six years.

"Boys!" She called to her son and her husband. "Do you want to play a game?"

"Yes!" Exclaimed Robbie. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Fantastic then. We're going to tie this handkerchief around Daddy's eyes and we will go on a trip," Amy said with a smile. "A trip to a place where you have not been before."

"And will I skate on ice?"

"Of course, honey!"

"Cool!"

"Amy," Zac took part. "It's twelve o’clock, where do you wanna go?"

"Well, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you!"

Zac shook his head but let Amy cover his eyes. She left Robbie with his father and went to get Angie, who was soundly asleep on her cradle. She went back to the living room with her daughter, and found Zac waiting for her.

"C'mon, I'll guide you." She took his hand and led him through the house until the door, where she stopped to open it. Robbie started to laugh.

"Hey, what happened? What's up?"

"You are under the mistletoe, Daddy. You have to kiss mom!"

"But I can't even see her!"

Amy was faster and kissed him smoothly on the lips, feeling the energy swirling inside of her, just like every time that she touched her husband. Then she took his hand again and guided him out of the house.

The landscape would be so different in seven hours time, she thought.

After leaving Angie in her place in the backseat, she excused herself by saying that she had to call Lou's daughter to tell her they weren't spending Christmas at home. She squeezed her cell phone in her hand and searched for the number she needed in the contact list.

"Natalie Hanson," came a voice after several loud rings.

"Nat, it's Amy."

"Excuse me?"

"Amy, Amy Hanson."

"Amy, didn't we say that we wouldn’t call each other when we were surrounded by other people? All my family and Taylor's are here!"

"What would you say if I told you that Zac's going to come back home this Christmas?"

"That you are going nuts. I'm going to hang up."

"No, no, wait a second."

"Why? So you could tell me another foolish lie? We both know that Zac won't come back," Natalie had lowered her voice. "He doesn't want to, you know."

“I have him seated in the passenger seat of the Toyota with his eyes covered. He doesn’t know where we’re going, but I’m determined to bring him home. What do you say?”

On the other end of the phone, Natalie Hanson took a moment to think, but Amy was not going to grant her a second more.

“I need some directions, Nat, because I don't know where you live exactly.”

“Also, you will need to read the signs. New York is very complex... “

“I know the city; I lived there ten years ago.”

“Ten years?”

“The directions,” Amy asked, not wanting to speak of her stay in the Big Apple.

Natalie told her how to get there with some trembling in her voice. Then she asked Amy, still in a low voice, “Why today, why now? You've been there for ten years.”

“I’ve only been here for seven. But I understand you. Now I know the value of facing him and telling him that he should return. Him and the children.”

Ten minutes later, Amy returned to the car, started it and headed to the highway. They still had to cross two states before arriving in New York, but that didn’t seem important. She knew all the secondary highways, and could take shortcuts. "Seven hours," she thought, "and all of his past will be again in its place."

What Zac did not know was that once they crossed the border, there would be no turning back. Whether he wanted it or not, Zachary Walker Hanson was going to return to the place where he belonged. Although she had to make sacrifices, she knew this was more important.


	4. Past never dies

"Who were you talking to?"

Natalie was startled to hear Taylor's voice at her back. She had just hung up the phone, and she didn't want anyone to know who had just called.

"It was a wrong number."

"Of course, so you gave them our address, right? Nat, what are you plotting? Do I have to remind you that I didn't want any surprises around Christmas?"

"Okay, okay, I'll confess. It's your Christmas gift – it's a bit belated. I didn't have time to get it earlier, so it's being delivered today," she lied.

"You're an awful liar," he retorted. "I hope it wasn't one of those crazed girls swearing they're bringing Zac back for Christmas as if she were Santa..."

"Taylor!"

Nat rolled her eyes while leaving the kitchen, pretending to ignore her husband. She had wanted to shout at him that his sister-in-law, Amy, was _not_ crazy. But it was impossible since Taylor didn't know about Amy, or Robbie and little Angie.

She hadn't imagined, either, that there was another family beyond that – that Zac was married and had children. To everyone, Zac was still that eighteen-year-old boy that fled one Christmas Eve from all those who loved him – Natalie didn't understand his reasons. How could a boy like Zac have fallen like that? Tears welled up in her eyes, creating a knot in her throat. She was going to see her little Zac again. She was two years his senior, but he would always be her Zac. Natalie found it unbelievable that, after all those years, he was finally coming back.

Ten years before, she had been at the Hanson house in New York. She had seen Taylor coming out of Zac's room, white as a sheet, not allowing her to come in. She had heard a violent argument between her now husband and her brother-in-law, Isaac. She had entered Zac's room and had discovered an empty and disheveled bed and an open closet. Zac was nowhere to be seen. She had been the one to raise the alarm. And it was she who would always be to blame for noticing his disappearance so late – when they had started looking for him, Zac had already vanished.

She felt so guilty for not having been able to stop him that she had vowed to find him at all costs. But little Ezra had her busy, so she entrusted her brother, Matt, to do the search. Matt crossed the States without positive results for years, looking everywhere. After five years of long trips, Natalie told him to stop the search they both had started behind the Hansons' backs. That summer, five years before, Matt had decided to travel to Niagara to visit a friend he had met the Christmas Eve that Zac had disappeared, and he had called his sister, very excited, at daybreak. Thank goodness that Taylor had a heavy sleep. Natalie remembered perfectly that conversation.

"Nat," he had said, "I've just found him."

"Matt, it's three am here. Who have you found that’s worth the trouble of waking me up?"

Then he had said it. "Zac Hanson." Natalie remembered crying the whole night; Matt couldn't be mistaken. The following morning he had found a spare minute to call her and talk about it, and thus she had started to talk to Amy.

Five years of long distance calls later, finally she was going to meet her sister-in-law – and Robbie and Angie. Even Zac, who she was sure had changed over the years.

"Natalie is acting very weird," said Taylor, coming back to the hall. "She was giving this address to someone over the phone."

"Maybe she hadn't had time to finish cooking and she was ordering some pizza," ventured Ned.

"You wish. You know Aunt Nat's cooking is the best on this side of the country."

Isaac and Taylor laughed at the joke. The children watched them hopefully; their parents hardly ever laughed and seeing them doing so was a true show. But it didn't last long – someone started a carol in the street and another person shouted "Merry Christmas." The spell was broken.

Penny got up off the floor and went to the kitchen, where her mother had returned to the salad she had been preparing before the phone rang.

"Mommy, when is grandpa coming?"

"Right now, sweetie. Grandpa Walker is already parking, and Aunt Zoe has called. They are almost here. "

"Is Uncle Mack coming too?"

"Of course!"

"And Uncle Zac?"

The question took Natalie by surprise, and she didn't know how to answer. Even knowing what she knew, hearing his name still filled her with sadness.

"Why does everyone get sad when I say his name, Mommy?"

"Where have you heard that name?"

"Uncle Mack told us not to talk about it," Penny seemed guilty. "Now you're going to get mad. That's what he said."

"I would never scold you for asking, love, but Uncle Mack has told you something about... Zac?"

"Yes, when he takes us to the amusement park he always tells us stories about those times when Dad had concerts."

"Of course." Nat seemed to sink in her thoughts.

"Mommy? Why do you never talk about Uncle Zac? Why there are no pictures of him? Is he de---?"

"No, baby, your uncle is _not_ dead. He left so many years ago, Penny."

"But why?"

"You'll have to ask him about that."

"Is he coming back?"

"I'm pretty sure."

Penny nodded.

"When he comes back I'm going to ask him lots of things."

"Okay, love. But, Penny... don't talk about him to Dad. He would be very sad and he would get mad at Uncle Mack for having told you stories about Zac."

Nat saw her daughter leave and with her went that childish curiosity and the certainty that the future is just around the corner. She remained alone in the kitchen, with her memories and the sureness that, for better or worse, the past never leaves for good.

And that made her wonder deep down, if maybe Zac coming back was such a good idea. He would bring with him memories that were best buried in the past. Memories of the definitive break-up of Hanson, and their lives, for ever.


	5. Welcome Home

Amy smiled when she finally saw the silhouettes of the towers built where the Twin Towers had stood twelve years before. They had already traveled for almost seven hours and they needed a break, but she encouraged herself, saying inwardly that she was closer than ever.

In the back seat, Robbie and Angie were soundly asleep. She had found it difficult to make them fall asleep – they were nervous because the trip was both exciting and endless. They had never left Niagara, and for them everything was a novelty. Nevertheless, Zac had complained a lot in the beginning – the blue handkerchief was bothering him, his seat was not at all comfortable, he wanted to drive for a while. Amy had remained inflexible and in the end, Zac had fallen asleep too, the handkerchief covering his eyes. "If you can't fight the enemy, join them," he had thought.

Amy knew that not everything was going to be so easy. When her husband woke up or recognized New York buildings, she was sure they'd argue, violently, she guessed. But Zac was going to face his past. Getting over it or not was no more her concern. Amy only wished they could live calmly after those holidays.

By her side, Zac tossed and turned, and awoke lethargically. He felt his face and noticed the blindfold still around his eyes. He sighed with annoyance.

"Amy, I think it's about time you let me get rid of this thing."

"Oh, dear, but you look so cute..."

"Can I take it off?

"Well, I guess you can. Okay, let me try---"

"No, no, I can undo the knot on my own."

Zac took his hands to the back of his head and untied the handkerchief with skilled fingers. He wasn't sure about how long he had had the eyes covered, for he had fallen asleep for a while, but he could tell that at least seven hours had slipped by, if the radio clock was to be trusted. It wasn't strange, then, that he found it difficult to adapt to the dimming light. When he watched through the window, the familiar building silhouettes attracted his attention. Amy was driving through the center of New York.

"What are we doing in New York?" He asked suspiciously.

"That's a good question. It's a shame that I can't tell you or else I'll spoil the surprise," she answered forcing a smile. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea.

"Amy, I reckon you remember who lives in this city."

"Mmm, let me think. A lot of New Yorkers?"

"Funny. Very funny. My family! The whole Hanson family who I've been trying to avoid for the last ten years!"

"Well, you never said that they were living here."

"Oh, c'mon, Amy, it was implied. I told you I left New York!"

"You didn't actually say that they were still here. Plus, this city is huge. It'd be nothing more than bad luck to find them, don't you think?" She was offering him a very sneaky smile, he noticed. Nothing good could get out of that situation.

"I don't know, but all this makes me feel uneasy. I've got this suspicion that you're plotting something – tell me what we're doing here."

"Okay then. Do you remember me telling you that I lived here some time ago? One of my old friends invited us over, and I thought it would be a good surprise to bring you here to spend Christmas time in his house. The kids would know New York, and we'd be able to enjoy a second honeymoon."

"What's your friend's name?"

"Matt. He lives on West End and Sixty-first, but he invited us over his sister. That's where we’re going."

"You have to be a good friend of his if he invited us to his sister's. I wonder why I never met him..."

"Because you were never home when he was in Niagara." Amy didn’t like the turn that had just taken place in the conversation. "And before you ask, yes, I know how to get there. I asked for directions."

Zac didn't seem very convinced, but he complied from his spot in the passenger seat. When he saw Amy parking outside the building where Taylor and Natalie still lived, he suffered a panic attack.

"I'm not coming."

"What?" Amy had to convince him, and that was the most difficult thing to do, given that he didn't know she knew exactly where they were at. "C'mon, Zac, it's only a building, it doesn't bite."

"How is it possible that you didn't know anything at all, and yet you brought us to Tay and Nat's house?"

"Who are they, Dad?" Robbie had awoken and he watched both of them from the back seat. "Why don't you want to go inside?"

"They are your aunt and uncle," explained Amy. "And Dad is going inside that building."

"You know I won't."

"Dad, why didn't you say we have uncles and aunts? Do we have cousins too?"

Zac nodded – he knew because, even though he didn't think he deserved to come back, he hadn't stopped caring about his own family. Amy was observing him; he was still too scared to react, though he didn't want to admit it. What would happen if they didn't want him back?

"Dad, why don't you want to come in? Is it because you're afraid of our aunts and uncles?"

"No, sweetie, they don't scare me, believe me. Amy," he continued, turning to his wife, "what was your friend's name?"

"Matt." Amy was aware that Zac was going to ask her a question that might change the course of their trip, and maybe the course of their life, forever.

"And his last name?"

"Bryant. He is Matt Bryant."

Zac sank in his seat, fully conscious then of the trap his wife has set him into. He blinked, not wanting to think but doing so nonetheless, and Robbie's voice echoed in his mind. Dad, are you afraid of our aunts and uncles? Slowly, he opened the car door.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The noise in the apartment distracted the occupants from the noise of the buzzer. Natalie buzzed them up without speaking, and she saw her brother behind her.

"Is he coming?"

"He's on the elevator right now," Nat sighed. "I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, Matt. Amy always said he didn't want to see us, and maybe it's not the best idea to---"

"Don't worry that much, Natty, it's alright. Do you want me to prepare the rest of the family?"

"Could you, please?”

Matt went to the room where the Bryants and the Hansons were playing cards. Natalie couldn't hear what he was saying – the door of the elevator was opening. She rushed to open her front door before her guests rang the doorbell.

In front of her, there were a boy and two adults standing up. She almost didn't recognize Zac, so tall, so dark-haired and with those chocolate eyes that seemed permanently sad. The baby dozing in his arms was red-haired like the woman by his side. Nevertheless, had she any doubt about those people being Zac's family or not, the boy dissolved all doubt. That blond kid was definitively a Hanson.

Natalie was conscious, then, that she had to take the first step. She went ahead, but the woman smiled sweetly and approached.

"Hi, I'm Amy, and you have to be Natalie."

"Oh, just Nat, please. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Amy gestured the boy for talking. "Robbie, come here. This is your aunt Nat."

"Hi," the boy said gingerly, throwing himself into Nat's arms.

"Hi, kid. I guess this is Angie. She's so big to be only a year old!"

"Too right! She's just like her father."

An uncomfortable silence took place, and Natalie chose to break it by putting a hand on Zac's arm.

"Hello, Zac."

"Hello, Nat." Zac smiled timidly, out of fear, out of embarrassment, out of nerves. "How's everything going?"

"Zac..." Natalie tried hard to drown her tears. He was finally there. "Welcome back."

Robbie came inside, and Natalie invited them to follow him. Inside, she could hear Matt telling a tale. Zac remembered every detail of that apartment, every scent and every texture. He didn't need to be guided to the hall, and nevertheless he was the last in the line.

"--- and this friend of mine," Matt was saying, "has come from Niagara with her family. I hope you don't mind that I invited them over – I haven't seen her in a while---"

"Hey!" Nat entered, followed by Amy. "I see that Matt has already told you everything. Well, this is Amy, and she comes bearing some Christmas gifts. Amy, this is the Hanson family, my family, my husband's family. Your family."

"What do you mean, 'your' family?" Taylor asked while the children approached Robbie and greeted him as if they had been friends all their lives.

"Her family," a serious voice repeated from the shadows.

Zac moved forward and stood where everyone could see him. The children didn't understand what was happening, and the adults were in shock.

Only the silence could be heard in the apartment.

 


	6. Telling The Truth

The silence only lasted a second. Diana, who had remained seated near the window, rose with her face stained with tears and hugged her son through sobs. It was the start of the race to know who was the first to greet the estranged son.

Everyone approached Zac to kiss him, to hug him – everyone but Taylor and Isaac. Amy was happy to see her husband surrounded by his family, something in his life finally came out well. But when she looked around, she saw something she didn't like at all.

Taylor was standing in front of the window, looking at them with his arms crossed over his chest. His look was hard, brow furrowed. Amy knew right away that he was going to be the hardest nut to crack in the Hanson family. By his side, Isaac blinked trying to keep the tears at bay. He had missed his brother so much, and now Zac had returned. It was a wonderful Christmas present, even if he wasn’t going to stay.

"Zac," Amy whispered, caressing his arm. "I think you should have to say 'hello' to your brothers."

"Don't, please," he whispered back. "I already destroyed their life once, I don't think they want me to go over there..."

"C'mon, silly, go. You're here now, aren't you? One step more won't hurt you any more."

"I remind you that I'm here because you kidnapped me!"

But Zac pulled out of Zoe and Mack's hug to approach his older brothers. He felt like home again, and the weight of the fault he had been dragging for ten years seemed lighter. Coming back, against his belief, was right. "At least Amy had that idea of bringing me back," he thought. "Even if they don't want to, now we have the chance to start all over again – together." When he reached Isaac he stopped, hesitant. His brother looked at him, eyes full of tears and hope.

"Kid," he choked out. "You're so grown up."

"It's been an awful long time, Ikey."

They hugged forcefully, and before letting go Isaac gestured to his son, who approached, obedient.

"Ned, I want you to meet a very important person. This is your Uncle Zac. Zac, this is my son, Ned."

The boy smiled when his uncle bent to caress his cheek.

"Ned, you're so big! Have you met Robbie?"

"Yes!" Ned waved toward the group of children who played in a corner. "We met earlier. He's over there, playing with Ezra and Penny."

"Ezra and Penny..." Zac repeated in a sad voice. "Are they your children, Tay?"

Taylor didn't answer. He had thought, earlier that day, that seeing Zac again would not open old wounds, that he would be able to forget what he had witnessed, but he had been wrong. To see how Zac interacted with Kate's son made him sick.

"Yes," Natalie answered for him, addressing a warning glance to Taylor that he preferred to ignore. "They have grown so much too. You didn't get to know Ezra, right?"

"No, you weren't pregnant when I---"

Zac hesitated, but Taylor completed the sentence for him, a lot of resentment present in his voice.

"When you left. Why can't you say it? Why don't you shout it? Why did you come back, Zac? Today, of all days! What for? To dig in our wounds? To delight in our pain? After what you did! How dare you?"

"Ned," Diana said, confused. "Why don't you take your cousins to the playroom? Perhaps Aunt Zoe wants to go with you."

"Mom!" Protested the alluded.

"Go with them, Zoe. Take care of them. And take Angie with you too," Diana indicated, looking briefly at the baby who watched everything with curiosity once she had awoken.

Zoe sighed and took the baby in her arms. Angie fidgeted a little, but the sweet voice of the teenager soothed her. On her way to the door, Zoe approached Amy, who observed the scene pensively, and whispered barely audibly.

"Amy, be careful with what you wish for on Christmas Eve. Dreams could come true..."

And then she left, baby in her arms, leaving her recently found sister-in-law astonished.

In the room, the atmosphere was tense. Taylor and Zac, face to face, looked each other in the eye fiercely. Isaac didn't understand a single thing. The Bryants, led by Matt, left the room. Natalie tried to follow them, but Amy took her arm. "Stay," she whispered. "Please, don't leave me here all alone."

After a silence that felt endless to all of them, Zac spoke in a low voice.

"What--- what are you talking about? I left, I know, I left you all here and my first thought was not coming back _ever_. I didn't want to but---"

"Why, Zac, why didn't you want to come back? After fucking Kate you didn't have the guts to face Ike and confess?"

"What?!" Isaac couldn't be more dumbstruck.

Zac felt like a train had hit him, hard. It had come to light, a part of his personal story, the part he was most ashamed of. He didn't want to look around him, but he knew his family was carefully watching him, horrified. And Amy---

"Is this--- is it true, son?" Walker asked. "You--- you became _that_ close to your brother's fiancée?"

"Yes," was the only response that came out of his lips – his eyes closed in order not to witness Isaac's reaction.

His brother was white as a sheet. Kate, his Kate, Ned's mother... It couldn't be, it had to be some sort of mistake, some bad joke... Just pronouncing her name made him breathless.

"That can't be," he stated, voice trembling. "That can't be – you and her---"

"It's perfectly possible," Jess said firmly, even though she had remained silent for the whole evening. "I'm afraid she was not exactly what you can call a 'respectable' woman..."

"It can't be!" Isaac barked while grabbing Zac's shoulders and shaking him. "For how long? How long before you decided to leave? Why? Why did you do that to me? Answer me!"

He shook his brother before Amy's terrified glance – she was petrified. When Isaac loosened Zac after stating that he was not going to answer, Amy approached her husband who had fallen defenseless to the ground.

"Zac! Are you okay?" She turned to her in-law family. "Let him explain himself. Things are not always what they seem – he has suffered as much as you if not more..."

"I told you," Zac whispered. "I told you they'd never forgive me. I ruined their life – their career, their music, their family..."

"It was your career, your music – it _is_ your family and your life, Zac. Tell them."

"What's the point?"

"If you don't, then they will never know the truth, the whole truth, and they'll never forgive you – even if I don’t think there’s anything that’s unforgivable except leaving instead of asking them to help you."

"The whole truth?" Mocked Taylor. "That it was a one-night stand with Kate?" Zac shook his head no. "Something worse, then? Was it Natalie too?"

The room went silent again, and the only sound registered in everyone's ears was Natalie slapping her husband. "You think so? Why have you been with me for so long, then?"

"Nat, that's not what I meant---"

"Oh, but you _so_ meant it! What's next, Taylor? Saying that Ned is not Isaac's? Or worse, that Ezra is not yours? I can't believe you! You've been harboring this anger for ten years, one could've thought you were over it now! I thought it was a good idea to help Amy bring Zac here, but now I know you're not going to listen---"

"Do you know the truth, Natalie?"

"I know more than you do, thanks for asking!"

Taylor stepped towards Natalie, but he thought twice about it, and remained where he was standing. Natalie helped Amy to make Zac sit up – but he looked so defeated and small on the floor.

"Who tells them?" She asked her Canadian sister-in-law.

"I don't think they're going to listen to anything we have to say."

"But I want to know," said Diana. "My young son disappeared a Christmas Eve ten years ago without a word, without a goodbye. I think I deserve an explanation."

"But you'll hate me!" Zac was frantic now, tears finally rolling down his cheeks, free and scaring as they were. "I can't tell--- she didn't want me to--- I can't---"

"She is not here, Zac," Amy tried to calm him. "She won't know, dear. She can't hurt you anymore. You're free now. You've been free for quite a while. Don't be afraid – you're not to blame here. No one blames you."

"Oh, but they will!"

"We won't," promised Walker to his son. "We can't blame you for anything, son. I just want you to tell me. Please."

Everyone was starting to worry about Zac – he was slowly falling apart, and Amy wasn't able to stop it.

"I--- I'll tell."

He began talking with a calm voice, knowing that it was his only chance to make them understand his truth. Whatever it was.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I entered the kitchen with the tray empty of appetizers. There was Kate, finishing the dishes. Natalie was there too, drying what Kate was washing.

"They're finished, girls. I hope you have more for the hungry Hansons."

"The hungry Hansons will have to wait for supper," answered Natalie. "You're going to eat everything we’ve gotten done, and I can't cook anymore!"

"Oh, but you are one of the best cooks of this side of the country! Surely you'll know what to do!"

"You sly--- whatever," Natalie smiled sweetly. "Fine, then. Give them that other tray, Kate." She waved to the tray hidden behind her best friend.

"And I was the sly one?" I wondered aloud. "You had this tray all the time!"

"Yes, but I wasn't about to tell you, now was I?"

Kate went away with the tray, but not before winking at me and saying, "Anything for the unemployed Hansons." Natalie's smile faded once Kate disappeared.

"You're not unemployed," she stated. "You just can't find the right person to produce your songs."

"Riiiiiiight." But I know I didn't sound at all convinced. I'm sure Natalie had noticed that I'd been sad the last few weeks.

"Let's see, Zac," she said, startling me. "If you don't tell me what's going on, I won't be able to help you. And don't tell me nothing's going on because I won't buy it. You look so sad."

So she had decided to go for it. But I couldn't tell her the truth, because the truth hurt me like hell. I couldn't tell her that, now that I was of age, what I had been doing was perfectly legal – and that meant I agreed with it.

"I can't."

"C'mon, Zac, you can trust me."

"Yeah, I know, but I can't tell you. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

"If you're worrying about me telling Taylor, don't. You know he knows nothing of what you tell me."

"You'll say it's my fault---" I could feel the sting of tears in the back of my eyes, I didn't want them to be spilled, so I tried to exit the kitchen, but Natalie wouldn't let me.

"Your fault? Zac, what's going on?" She took me by an arm and tugged, but I managed to escape and flee the kitchen. I knew she really worried about me, but I wasn't able to tell anyone.

I was tainted, been so for too long, and I just couldn't take it anymore. But I couldn't talk about it either – I was afraid that it would explode in my face, that everyone would blame me because she was a girl and everyone knows that girls are not to blame in situations like that....

I'm rambling, and I'm sorry. I guess that what I want to say can be said at least, now that she is dead and can't do any harm at me.

I went straight to my room, in an attempt to get rid of the horrible sensation of deceiving my family. And there she was, sitting on my bed, once I closed the door behind me.

"Come here," she said in a low and seductive voice, and I felt my body responding to that even though my brain tried to fight against it.

"We can't, Kate," I retorted while she stood up and walked her way toward me. "We--- can't--- anymore---"

"Oh, but we _so_ can, dear. We're meant to be."

"You're with Isaac!" I cried, louder than I intended, and that earned me a slap in the face.

"Don't shout, someone could hear you."

"And we can't allow that, can we?" I asked rhetorically, ironically.

I never knew what her answer would have been, because her right hand was working with my zipper, her skilled fingers tracing me with feathered touches, and I was starting to feel light-headed like so many times before, and she was right there, and my bed seemed so comfortable suddenly. Then she made me lay down and began undoing me like the first time, about a couple of years before, right when she started dating Isaac.

I was lost by then – her mouth, her fingers, her whole body all over me and I was a young boy, a hormonal guy, and a simple touch was enough to drive me insane. She knew, oh she knew so well. I remember hearing someone opening the door of my room. "Zac, are you okay? Nat said that you---" I remember vaguely to have lifted my head from my pillow, feeling surreal, and seeing Taylor standing in the doorway, wide-eyed and pale. I remember blinking and then he was gone.

I heard him yelling at Isaac, telling him not to enter my room, that I was okay (was I?), and then it hit me. Everyone was going to know now, and they were going to blame me, and everything would blow in my face, and our band would be split because of me not being able to restrain myself. I was terrified.

I stood up, got dressed and gathered whatever I could pick from my closet, under the sever glare of Kate. "Aren't you going to take me with you?" She asked.

"No," I answered, freaking out, trying to get out of there before anyone could enter and catch me.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Oh, then I'll have to tell everybody that _this_ is all your fault."

"My fault? How can it be my fault, if it was you who came onto me?"

"But I was all blinded by your looks, and _you_ took advantage of me."

I didn't stay any longer. I was scared of what she was saying, reassuring me that I was the one to blame for what had been going on for two years. So I left without being caught, and I stumbled upon a red-haired girl who was sadly crying in front of our building, next to the roses that adorned the entrance.

Now I know that girl was still crying there when Matt ran into her, looking desperately for me, a couple of hours later.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Everyone remained silent, Taylor looking down at his hands, unable to think.

"So, you see now, Taylor," Natalie commented. "Now you know. What do you think?"

Diana had tears in her eyes – her son, her lost son, had gone away because Kate had been molesting him for two years. How could she have not seen that? Isaac looked as if he were about to puke. And a single thought was crossing Walker's mind, "Didn't Matt say that he first met Amy when he went to look for Zac that night?"

"It was Kate," he whispered. "It was Kate, I should have known... I should have known better, Zac, we really could have helped you. We could have fixed it somehow---"

"Would you have listened to him?" Amy interrupted, skeptical. "Would you have heard his reasons?"

"I guess we will never know," mumbled Isaac. "I'm really sorry, Zac. I'm really, really sorry---"

For a second, Amy thought that it could have been true, that they could have fixed it, if only that red-haired girl had stopped the boy that was running out of the building – if she had had enough courage. "I wish we could turn back time and start all over again," she thought, forgetting what Zoe had told her before.

Around her, everything became a cloud of colors and an eddy of emotions, until she found herself outside the same building, again, like she had been ten years before – she had her hair tied back in two long braids, and thick salty tears rolled down her cheeks. Not understanding a thing, she looked down at her wristwatch – and it struck her.

December 24th, 2003. _2003_.

She had gone back ten years in time.

 


	7. Another Turn of the Screw

Amy watched all around her, overwhelmed. She had gone back in time, exactly ten years. She was barely aware that she hadn't met Zac yet, that at some point he would leave the building she was looking at with a bag full of clothes and ready to flee. She barely remembered Zoe's words, too late to do something about her wishes. And then her own reality struck her completely.

As her mind registered, again, the events that had happened in her life back then, the memories of her future existence slowly dissipated in her memory. Neither Robbie nor Angie existed, nor the children who would be her nephews and nieces – she was in New York again. Five minutes after returning to her past, she had no trace of her future memory left.

She was sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, in front of the roses that decorated the high building. It was Christmas Eve, and she was alone, hands covering her face. She hadn't had a perfect Christmas Eve ever, but that one had been the most horrible of them all. The phone never brought good news, and that night it had rang again – to bring her no hope. Her parents had been traveling all the way from Niagara to New York, seven hours of road trip through frozen precipitation and snow. They were going to spend Christmas in the States because Amy’s job didn’t allow her any days off for the holidays.

There had been an accident.

She buried her face in her hands again. A sob shook her from the inside – she was cold, she should be, on a December evening at eight o'clock. Amy curled a finger in the end of one of her braids. A lonely tear snuck across her cheek. She was alone... alone... alone... She started crying harder.

Behind her, the door of the building opened, creating a gust of wind, and a boy about eighteen left with a bag in his hand. Amy didn't see him, she didn't hear him either – she was too engrossed in her own pain. Nevertheless, she thought that it was as good as a time as any other to rise and come back home, wherever that was. She needed a bed to lay down and spill her last tears. It was then when someone run into her, making her stumble and finally fall to the ground. The boy let go of the bag and held her by an elbow. The both felt a spark lighting in their hearts when they touched – Amy looked up with watery eyes to see who her savior was. All she could see was a pained face that she recognized almost straight away.

It was Zac Hanson.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked, visibly ashamed.

"Yes--- no--- I'm okay."

"It doesn't seem like it. Did I hurt you? You're crying!"

"It's for--- another reason."

Zac watched her eyes, and the he was lost. The green ocean that looked back at him caught him entirely off guard, making him forget all about the hell he was running from.

"What's your name?"

"Amy Stanton. And you are..." she trailed off, not sure whether she was right or not.

"Zac. Zac Hanson."

"As in the band?"

"Well, I'm the drummer." He gave her a lopsided smile, and she was completely lost.

"So I thought."

"I take it you know me."

"Who in the States doesn't? But we've never met, if you care to know. I've only seen photos and stuff."

"Fan?"

She couldn't decide if being a fan was a good or a bad thing, so she chose to stick to the truth. "Fan since 1997, though I have to admit that I lost track of your music a while ago."

Amy tilted her head again, and her eyes caught the bag Zac had been holding when he had first stepped outside the building. Something in her memory set off the alarm – an instinct that told her not to let him gather his bag and go away, because if she did she would never see him again.

"Do you live in this building?" He asked. "I don't think I've seen you around." He was trying hard to seem carefree, but she was able to tell he worried about something.

"No, I don't. I wish! But, eh... well... I've come walking from the Bronx."

"On Christmas Eve?"

"It seems that you are not at home either tonight, and I still haven't asked you about it."

"I--- erm--- well--- Don't you have any family living here that you wanted to visit? I can walk you to your door if you--- Wait, why are you crying all over again? Did I say something bad?"

More tears found their way down Amy's cheeks. How could she tell a perfect stranger that she had lost her whole family in a car accident on Christmas Eve? And however, he was there, standing by her side, holding her while she bawled, hoping she'd trust him.

She finally let the words flow from her lips.

Near an hour later, they were still in front of the building, next to the roses. Zac had forgotten he wanted to run away from his home, Amy was slightly smiling at her new friend's jokes. At their backs, the entrance door opened again and Matt Bryant exited the building, disheveled, on the verge of shouting. When he saw them, together, sitting on the edge of the rosebush, Zac and Amy could see relief shining in his eyes.

"Zac, for God's sake! You're here! We were worried about you! What has happened? Why did you leave? How--- wait, who are you?" He looked down at Amy, who was still sitting while Zac had stood up to face Matt.

"I'm Amy Stanton. And you are?"

"Matt Bryant, I'm the brother of Zac's sister-in-law."

"They're not married yet!"

"Yeah, true, but they will sooner than expected. Now," Matt turned to Zac again, a frown forming in his forehead. "Now, could you please tell me why you left the apartment so suddenly? Everyone is worrying about you!"

"No, I can't tell you," was the ashamed answer he got. "I can't, Matt. Please don't make me. I'm so---"

"Zac," Amy pressed her hand on his right arm gently. "Zac, you know you'll have to tell them eventually."

"Wait, do you know?" asked Matt, flabbergasted.

"No, I don't know, but I don't care. I think he should tell his family. Or at least you."

Zac looked down at her hand on his arm and smiled a little. He didn't say a thing, though.

"Does this have something to do with Kate's weird attitude the time you were out here? Because she's being acting strangely enough to make Nat worry about her as well."

And that made it. Zac could feel the pain of tears pricking at the back of his eyes – they were salty and felt like guilt. He lifted a hand to dry his cheeks, where the tears were already rolling, but Matt stopped him. "What's happening here, Zac? Is it Kate? Has she done something to you?" Zac nodded once at the last question. Matt pestered him with even more questions, until Zac finally admitted what he’d been undergoing for the last two years.

Even though they were the same age, Matt had always been a little more centered than Zac – more mature. When Natalie's brother heard that Kate had been abusing Zac, had almost – "I can't even think of the word without wanting to kill her" – he nearly exploded of rage.

“This won't happen anymore, Zac. That, I can promise you. Now come in with me, we're going to tell your parents." But Zac didn't move. "What? Why aren't you moving? I promise you she won’t hurt you!"

"Can--- can Amy come with us?" He sounded so small, so broken, that Matt could only accept.

"Of course. I'm sure Amy'll take good care of you, am I right?" Amy smiled sadly but took one step towards the building. "C'mon, guys, we have a family to save."

Amy grabbed Zac's arm again. He eyed her in silence. "This is going to end now, Zac. It should have never started, but I can promise you it will be over," she said in a soft voice.

"D'you think they'll forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive you for, Zac. They'll understand, and they'll support you. Plus, you alone have prevented Isaac from making the biggest mistake of his life."

Both smiled. Zac blinked, and when he opened his eyes again Amy was still by his side.

She hadn't stopped smiling.


	8. Epilogue

_Ten years later_

Natalie ran to the door before the bell could ring. She passed by the living room, where the Bryants and the Hansons were having some fun playing Monopoly. Taylor and Isaac had teamed up with Ezra and Ned, Penny was sitting on her aunt Nikki's lap. Nikki was trying to get comfortable, despite her being seven months pregnant, while she was watching her husband, Isaac, telling Taylor about the convenience of selling a hotel. River was sitting next to his aunt, on the ground, playing with the cars.

Natalie arrived at the door when little Robbie was getting on his toes to push the bell.

"Where are my kids?" Natalie asked cheekily. "How are you guys?"

"Aunt Nat!" The boy exclaimed. "Merry Christmas!"

"Hello, Nat," greeted Zac from behind the boy – he carried two baby bags. "You really don't want to know about the trip these two have had. Asking every few _seconds_ if we were already here."

"Hey, that's pretty normal, he's only five!" Natalie offered to carry one of the bags, but Zac refused shaking his head. Instead, Natalie just held the door open to let them in. "Ezra's been very anxious all day because he was going to see his cousin."

"I've missed Ez too!" Exclaimed Robbie. "Where is he? And Ned?"

"They're playing Monopoly in the living room, but I'm pretty sure they have some room for one more player." Natalie saw him run into the house and shook her head. "It's only been, how long? Two days? And they're already missing each other."

"Aren't they adorable?" Diana called from behind Natalie, startling them all. "Merry Christmas, boys. Why don't you let me hold Angie while you get comfortable inside? It's freezing!"

"Oh, but it's not as cold as Niagara, Mom." Zac helped Amy inside, the baby sleeping sound in her arms. "I can't believe we haven't frozen there."

"How's everything there?"

"Everything's what it used to be," smiled Amy, lopsidedly, a sad hint in her voice. "The new owners loved the house, and the landscape, and the views from the north window. They said it was a beautiful place to raise children." A tear threatened to escape from her eyelids.

"It is indeed," assured Zac. "But it held so many memories for you, and they weren't healthy. Tulsa is not as beautiful as Niagara, but it's wonderful nonetheless."

"You know I agree with you, but that doesn't mean it's easier for me to get rid of my parents' house."

"No one expects you to be happy about having to sell it, dear," Diana took part. "I just hope you'll feel like home here."

"I already feel like home with you, Diana. I have since I first met Zac. But---"

"Amy!" A voice coming from the hall interrupted her, and what she was about to say next got forever lost in a hug of shiny blond hair. "Amy, you're here already!"

"I'm glad to see you too, Ned. Weren't you playing Monopoly with Dad?

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I was, but well... Robbie came in! I wanted to come say hi!"

Immediately, he went to Zac and hesitated for a while – he was at that age when kids think they're no longer children but they still want to act like it. "C'mere and hug me too, man! You know I love it!" Zac opened his arms and welcomed the boy with a bear hug and a kiss on the top of his head. "Lead us to where your dad and the rest of the family are."

They followed Ned to the living room. Everyone stood up when they entered, Taylor hugged his brother with love before kissing Amy. Isaac did as well, but Nikki didn't budge – her sister-in-law approached her and kissed her cheek. "Merry Christmas, Nikki. How's Belle doing?"

"Hey, what have I said about naming my next granddaughter 'Belle'? She's going to be Amelia!" joked Walker.

"But 'Belle Amelia' doesn't sound good at all, Walker," complained Nikki. "I'll just stick with 'Belle,' thank you."

For a moment there was only noise and chatter and laughter in the room. Amy looked around, amazed – everything was like she had left it two days ago, before going back to Niagara to sell her childhood house. Yet something was different, though she couldn't tell exactly what.

"How close we came to losing it all," she whispered. "What would have happened if---"

"---if you hadn't been there when Zac tried to escape?" asked Nikki. "Maybe things wouldn't have been at all like this. Maybe I wouldn't be here – neither Ned or Belle."

"I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if my parents' death prevented another tragedy in this family."

"Well, someday you'll have to tell the kids the whole story about Zac and you, and how you saved the family. Perhaps then I'll join and find out the juicy details I'm sure you haven't told me yet!"

"There are some details a savior needs to hold inside, aren't they, Amy?" Zoe, who had sit near them, on the ground, beamed. "I reckon you saw the future that night, ten years ago, and you knew what this family would have been had you let Zac slip away."

The words of the teenager found their way to Amy's heart – memories that she should not have, broke through the glass she had set in her mind.

She crying in front of a building, a boy escaping.

She meeting Zac Hanson at Lou's, having dinner with him.

Zac confessing his past to her. Zac making her cry, making her laugh. Making her live again.

Marrying him in Niagara. Having Robbie and Angie. Taking them back to New York with a blue handkerchief over his eyes.

Taylor yelling. Natalie slapping him. Zoe saying some meaningless words...

"Be careful with what you wish for on Christmas, Amy," she whispered again. "Because your wildest dream can come true."

Zoe winked at her and rose to go to the kitchen. Amy observed her husband playing joyfully with his family – his brothers, his nephews. All together again.

And she understood that he had stopped seeking his past – they had found where they belonged.

 

 

 


End file.
